Yesterday I had to go to the doctor in Ubud because my leg was swollen, painful, and oozing pus in four places (sorry to disgust you but it’s part of the story).
When I was in Tahiti SIX WEEKS ago, I got a mosquito bite that got infected. Over time, that infection spread to the point where I had FOUR HORRIBLE SORES on my leg. I did clean them each day and tried about 20 different natural rongoā on them, but these sores persisted and worsened and morphed over a period of SIX WHOLE WEEKS.
Did I have the sense to go to a doctor? No! Instead I put up with them for SIX WHOLE WEEKS, I lived with them, didn’t give them the attention they deserved, and I ALLOWED them to worsen and spread, and POISON ME to the point where I HIT A PAIN THRESHOLD that forced me to MAKE A CHOICE between allowing this poison to INFECT MY ENTIRE SYSTEM, or TAKING ACTION TO HEAL MYSELF.
I was TOO BUSY! I was FOCUSING ON MY WORK! I couldn’t be bothered! They were ‘just little sores’! I just wanted to drink coffee at the cafe and work on my online businesses! They didn’t deserve any serious time or attention! I was waiting for them to just get better naturally, BUT THEY DIDN’T!
And then yesterday I woke up and my whole leg was in pain, and the pain was traveling throughout my entire body, I was getting sick and feeling poisoned inside, I had to do something and I could IGNORE THIS INCONVENIENT PAIN NO LONGER!
I had to STOP WHAT I WAS DOING, I had to focus on these sores, I had to GIVE THIS PAIN SOME ATTENTION and TAKE ACTION TO HEAL THEM, I had to PUT THE EFFORT in to TAKING TIME OUT TO HEAL THEM, and taking myself along to a doctor TO GET SOME HELP once and for all.
When I was lying on the doctors table in pain, getting several injections directly into MY OPEN WOUNDS (which was PAINFUL AF) and then lying there will she SCRAPED and PROBED these OPEN WOUNDS, cleaning them out and having a good look at them, GIVING THEM THE ATTENTION THAT THEY NEEDED IN ORDER TO HEAL, several realisations hit me like a brick in the head, about my own stupidity and the simplicity of this PAINFUL lesson.
I always try to decipher the lesson in all my experiences, especially when it comes to PAIN, because I know that PAIN IS A TEACHER, and I don’t like repeating the same lessons over and over, so I try my best to GET THE LESSON THE FIRST TIME ROUND, so that I don’t keep repeating the same mistakes.
And what this very simple experience TAUGHT ME ABOUT HEALING was this: when we do not take the time to face our pain or trauma, to admit that it is there, that it is exists, when we continue to DENY that there is a MAMAE in the first place (even when it is oozing pus like in my case), and we TRY TO IGNORE IT, and we do not SEEK PROPER HELP to heal our pain, and WE PRETEND LIKE EVERYTHING IS OK like I did, and we TRY to continue going about our daily lives as though there is no pain or trauma there, and we ALLOW THE INFECTION AND PAIN AND TRAUMA TO GROW AND MORPH AND SPREAD THROUGHOUT OUR ENTIRE SYSTEMS like I did, then we put ourselves in a far more dire and dangerous position (the doctor said that I may need to go to a surgeon in two days to have part of it CUT OUT!!!) than if we had JUST FACED IT AND DEALT WITH IT AND TAKEN ACTION TO HEAL IT in the first place, earlier on, when the mamae actually occurred.
I see this as a powerful metaphor for dealing with all types of pain, injury (whether physical, emotional or spiritual), TRAUMA and MAMAE. Unresolved pain only worsens, spreads, grows and morphs INTO SOMETHING FAR WORSE when we don’t take action to ACKNOWLEDGE IT, ADMIT THAT IT NEEDS HEALING and THEN SEEK HELP TO HEAL IT.
It seems so obvious and simple, and yet there have been many times in my life where I HAVE DENIED MAMAE and allowed it to spread and deepen inside me, just like this case with these sores on my leg. When I have done this in the past, with emotional and spiritual wounds, it has led me to ALL KINDS OF DARK PLACES, DISTRACTIONS and SELF DESTRUCTIVE SABOTAGING BEHAVIOUR, further victimising myself and making my own situation far worse than if I had just dealt with it head on, like I did when I finally took myself to the doctor.
Once I was at the doctor, I felt a great sense of RELIEF, and gratitude that this pain would finally be dealt with and get the attention and help that it deserved. It was that feeling like when you are a kid and you are crying in pain and then someone LOOKS AFTER YOU and GIVES IT ATTENTION and puts a plaster on it and KISSES IT BETTER. Such sweet relief! Thank god I don’t have to continue putting up with this OOZING PAIN anymore! Thank god I don’t have to stay a traumatised victim to these sores anymore! THANK GOD I CAN AND WILL BE HEALED! And I can now move on and get on with my life and GET BACK TO THE WORK OF FOLLOWING MY SOUL AND FULFILLING MY HUMAN POTENTIAL.
Do you see where I am going with the METAPHORS and MESSAGES in this SIMPLE STORY of how I was too stupid and DISTRACTED to just get some antibiotics when I only had one sore, instead of allowing the mamae to grow into FOUR sores! I hope so. Everything I write and share is done so from a place of CARING and AROHA, even if it may not look like it on the surface sometimes. Look deeper.
Sometimes it’s the silliest seemingly insignificant things in life that have the biggest lessons to teach us isn’t it - all of what I have written about in this blog post, started from a MOSQUITO BITE in Tahiti, hahahaha!!
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