The other day I had three hours worth of self care treatments at a spa in Ubud. Starting with a pedicure and manicure, I then went on to have my first facial (in my entire life at age 32), and a one hour full body Balinese massage. Bliss.
Why do I share this with you? Is it to brag and say ‘look how great my life is’? No, it is not to brag. It is to CELEBRATE. It is to show appreciation and gratitude for the life that I now get to live, because of the CONSCIOUS CHOICES that have led me to this place in my life, which is a fantastic place, and actually the BEST place i’ve ever been in, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and psychologically in MY ENTIRE LIFE!
My life was not always like this. That is why I share these blessings so freely and with so much gratitude! It is because I have known darkness, that I so eagerly, purposefully and ACTIVELY sought out the light that I now get to live in.
The fact that I got to have these three hours of taking care of my mind and body is miraculous to me and that is why I share it. Last year I was barely having time to have breakfast each day let alone to even dream of doing something as ‘indulgent’ as three hours worth of spa time!
I would wake up too early for my liking (toddler time) and then be thrust immediately in to getting baby ready for her day, prep breakfast for her, clothes on etc, school bag ready, in the car and off to the expensive daycare centre. Then straight into client work for largely most of the day. Focusing every aspect of my being and pouring all my energy into my clients for hours and hours on end, often not making the time to stop to eat AT ALL. Feeling drained after all this concentrated one on one client work and then hello, it’s time to get in the car and pick up my child. Straight into mum mode and mum duties for the rest of the day, until she is asleep. Exhaustion. No time to think. No time to be. No time for me in my own life.
Fall asleep (if I am lucky), or spend some hours lying in bed worrying and fretting and not being able to sleep. Not happy. Stressed out. Over worked. Over committed. Committed to the wrong things!
Then wake up to do it all over again! I did this cycle for about two years, after I went back into full-time work when my daughter was around one year old. Two years of it was enough for me to realize that I needed to make some drastic changes! I needed to transform myself and my life so that I was feeling HAPPY, SATISFIED, and FULFILLED. I knew that I wanted to be a happy and engaged, well rested and relaxed mother with plenty of TIME and ATTENTION to give to my child. I also knew that I had other creative work inside of me to bring to life, over and above the creative work that I was already doing with my one on one clients every day. I knew that I needed to create TIME and SPACE in my life to bring these new seeds that were brewing inside of me, to life.
I knew that I had to learn new ways and skills for dealing with emotions and feelings, overcoming trauma and pain, getting out of anxiety and panic and feelings of being smothered or suffocated by my own life. I knew that I now as an adult, and as a mother, had to learn life skills that I did not learn myself as a child.
I had to go deep within. I had to face the pain there and the layers of trauma built up that I had pushed down, my whole life. I had to feel that pain to move through it. I had to allow it to surface to release it. I had to let it out and let it go. I had to let it move through me so that I could move beyond it. That was one of the toughest periods of my life. And the darkest. I had to go into that darkness to find the light at the end of the tunnel. It was bloody difficult and tough. It put a strain on my family life. I read and educated myself a lot on how to recover from emotional abuse, how the cycle of narcissistic psychopaths works, and how to overcome trauma in general. I learned a lot and was able to equip myself with more tools to understand my past personal history, and various relationships that had effected my life. I had to learn how to be vulnerable and how to allow myself to even cry. I had never learned these things until I was forced to teach them to myself through self directed study, as a means of survival.
That is why I celebrate every little thing now. Because my happiness has been hard won! And because I understand the power of gratitude. When we acknowledge our blessings and give thanks for them, we are powerfully attracting more things into our life to be grateful for. I know this and that is why I practice it every day, because it continues to work for me on all levels.
Everyone in this world deserves happiness, joy, grace, ease, miracles and blessings. That is what I want for everyone, and for you. For me, it took a lot of work to get this place. Actually it has taken 32 years worth of trial and error, mistakes, learning, growth, overcoming setbacks, small steps forward and some steps back. It has been an up and down journey with some extremely dark periods. And it is for that reason that I am now so conscious about always choosing the light, moving more into the light, embracing the light and turning my back on dark places, people, energies and things.
Being grateful, appreciating the great things in your life both big and small, and celebrating every little blessing and miracle is actually one of the techniques that has helped me to transform my life and bring more and more positivity towards me. It is a technique and way of life that I believe could help anyone that is willing and open to practice it.
If you see someone celebrating the wonderful things in their life, and you feel jealous or negative feelings toward them, as though they are merely ‘bragging’ and ‘showing off’ or being ‘arrogant’ perhaps you might want to think again. Because in all likelihood you probably have no idea what that person has been through or the tough life lessons that they have had to overcome and process in order to get to that place that they are now celebrating.
Counting ones blessings and expressing gratitude and appreciation for the wonderful things in ones life, is not the same as thing as ‘the kūmara talking of its sweetness’. It is more like saying ‘man that kūmara was delicious and i’m so grateful because I remember the times in my life when I was starving and had nothing to eat, so damnnnnn that kūmara tasted sooooo sweet and THANK YOU for being so sweet little kūmara!’.
I hope that everyone gets to experience the physical nourishment of three hours spa time!
I hope that we can all get to a place as humanity where we are all able to celebrate and express gratitude for all the little blessings and miracles in life.
I hope that you get your own life to a place where you no longer experience jealousy and contempt for others, and instead you are so busy counting your own blessings that when you see another doing the same thing, you recognize them as being the same as you.
With love and light to all xx
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